Damn Straight: The Straight Man’s Guide to Voting This Election

We all know that it is ESSENTIAL to cast your ballot in Tuesday’s election! But, if you’re anything like me, knowing who and what to vote for can be overwhelming. Let’s be honest, this isn’t American Idol.

So to help everyone out this year, our correspondent, “Matt” – The Straight Guy, is here to point you in the right direction (and trust me, he knows what he’s talking about)!

He writes:

I’m mostly in agreement with the LA TIMES Endorsements, with a few caveats:

Lieutenant Governor: Hated by Republicans for being too moderate and Democrats for being a Republican, Abel Maldonado is an interesting candidate, and I cast my ballot for him.  I’m pretty sure he’s going to lose, but he’s a centrist, a nice guy, and Gavin Newsom makes me feel icky.  He’s too slick, and he and his wife are too creepy for me. 

Proposition 19:  The LA Times is right.  Proposition 19 is ill-conceived, poorly written, and probably will spend the next decade in court.  That being said, Legalize It!

Governor:  Jerry Brown over Meg Whitman, easily.  As a newcomer to California, I wasn’t really excited about Jerry Brown…until I saw him debate.  He’s going to be a cranky old man.  He’s got the know-how to get things done, and  he’s old enough that this is going to be his last political gig.  He’s going to say and do whatever he thinks is right for California, with no future races in mind.  Meg Whitman is bland and wrong about too much. 


Senate:  Barbara Boxer is one of the dumbest people elected to the Senate.  I voted for her opponent, Mickey Kaus, in the Democratic primary because she is such an incredibly ineffective idiot.  California would do well to have pretty much anyone else step in and replace her.  And I say “pretty much” anyone, because Carly Fiorina sucks worse than Boxer does.  She’s rude, she’s wrong, and she’s Republican.  I grudgingly recommend Barbara Boxer, although in the same way I would recommend slamming your penis in a closet door over a car door, because both options suck, but the closet door will likely do less damage. 


Attorney General:  Steve Cooley is a decent guy.  He’s conservative, yes.  But he’s an effective leader and manager, and that’s 99% of what an Attorney General needs to be.  He has the potential to continue leading the AG’s office in a professional and effective manner.  I’m not much for Republicans, but Cooley gets my vote, not because Kamala Harris is bad, but because Steve Cooley is better. 


Props 20 and 27:  Make sure you vote YES on 20 and NO on 27.  Democrats hate proposition 20 because it means that a non-partisan commission will get to draw congressional seat boundaries, and it’s likely that this means they’ll lose a few seats.  Non-partisan redistricting is always right, not just when you’re in the minority.  Proposition 27 was put on the ballot by Democratic leaders to undo the non-partisan commission.  It’ll put the power to draw districts back in the hands of politicians, so vote NO.



About Let Me Get This Queer

I find myself confused by the retardation that plagues peoples' logic. I don't get people who are closed minded, don't have a sense of humor, or find themselves confined by political correctness. I am using this site to create a space for people to share their thoughts, flex their moral compass, and challenge the world to be a better place. A lofty goal, I know. But someday when sanity returns to control and disgusting, entitled people receive the fundamental kharma that is due, we will all rejoice.
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One Response to Damn Straight: The Straight Man’s Guide to Voting This Election

  1. Kathy Gulinello says:

    I’m sort of embarrassed that I headed here before huffington, but GRATEFUL! Str8 guys rule! Even if none of them will sleep with me! Thanks for posting this anonymous wise one!

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